Champagne High
by Jules3
Summary: It's Monica's wedding day, finally! But what's the catch?


As a new type of fic (and perhaps a series, if this gets any positive feedback), I figured I'd try writing a "songfic" ... basically, a fanfic completely wrapped around and taken from the lyrics of a song. (Pretty straightforward, right?) Let me know if you think this is a good idea, and whether or not I should do it with a different one! Feedback, feedback, feedback! :) I suggest that, if possible, you download the song as well... gives the full effect, LOL. And, just by way of a change.... C&M!  
  
CHAMPAGNE HIGH   
(Sister Hazel)  
  
"I wasn't looking for a lifetime with you.  
I never thought it would hurt just to hear 'I do' and 'I do.'"  
  
As I sat at the table covered in white linen, I gazed absent-mindedly at the champagne glass that was slowly spinning between my fingers. I can't believe she's married. The thought hit me like a ton of bricks, and I felt as though someone had punched me. The word spun around and echoed in my head. Married. To someone else. I looked up and remembered that day, so long ago, when I had so foolishly let her walk out of my life. I let her leave my life, but she never left my heart. I had done what I always did: freaked out. I got scared about how close we were, and I pushed her away. I can still remember her voice and the words that so clearly cut through the air between us as I made the biggest mistake of my life.   
"Too afraid to be in a real relationship? Then don't be in one." As she walked out of the coffeehouse and I watched her go, I was foolish enough to believe that I didn't need her. That I'd get over her. Now she's with someone else. Someone who deserves her.  
  
"And I do a number on myself and all that I ought to be,  
And you'll be the one who just left me undone by my own hesitation."  
  
I can still remember the way she used to look at me, and the way it seemed that I could lose myself in those gorgeous eyes of hers. The way that our hands fit together so perfectly, her small and delicate one inside mine, as though I were her protector. I remember when we used to lie together, how I would wrap my arms around her protectively and the way she would sigh. Those sighs were music to my ears... the very fact that someone could feel safe in my arms gave me a reason to live.  
  
"And for the million hours that we were,  
Well, I'll smile and remember it all then I'll turn and go.  
The story's completed, man it's a long way from done."  
  
I smile half-heartedly as I remember how happy I was when she was in my life. When she WAS my life, I correct myself. There was just her. Nothing more, nothing less. Just she and I. I find myself once again looking around at the festivities surrounding me. Ross and Rachel, the "will-they, won't-they" couple of all time dancing contentedly on the edge of the dance floor. Phoebe talking to Mrs. Geller and Joey hitting on a guest. And then... there was Monica.  
  
"I'm on a champagne high,  
Where will I be when I stop wondering why?  
I'm on a champagne high."  
  
Monica... she was gorgeous. The white dress that made her look so angelic. The smile on her face that I never thought could break my heart when it used to make me so happy. But that smile doesn't belong to you anymore, I remind myself. You lost her. How could I be so foolish as to lose the one and only thing that had ever made me truly happy?  
  
"Spring turned to summer but then winter turned mean,  
Distance seemed right at the time it was best to leave.   
And to leave behind what I once thought was finding so real to me,  
And while I'm still gone on a quest for my song I'm at your celebration."  
  
She had found him so easily, it seemed. One minute she was angry with me and I was in my sweatpants, avoiding her. The next, she was with him. The one who was willing to make a commitment. The one in whom the word "commitment" didn't instill a dreadful sense of fear. And now, only months later, she's married. Never again will I get to hold her or kiss her or make love to her. Never again will I get to see that smile that she had once reserved for me and only me. I won't get to feel her soft skin under my fingertips or taste the sweetness of her kiss. That belongs to him. Forever.  
  
  
"And for the million hours that we were,  
Well I'll smile and remember it all then I'll turn and go.  
Well the story's completed, man, it's a long way from done.  
I'm on a champagne high,  
Where will I be when I stop wondering why?"  
  
I silently curse myself for turning away from bliss and running into the waiting arms of loneliness. That should be you holding her, I remind myself, and I grimace as I feel the dull ache intensify.  
  
  
"On a champagne high,  
I'd toast to the future but that'd be a lie,   
On a champagne high,  
Wagon's been hitched too far  
Well now he'll be your thing that's new,  
Yeah, what little I have you can borrow 'cause I'm old   
And now I'm blue."  
  
As I see her turn to look at her husband, I feel a pang of jealousy and a twinge of heartbreak. He would never be foolish enough to let her go, and he had proved it by making her dream come true. She was his. He was hers. They'll go off and start a family and live happily ever after. He has her future. The future that should have been mine. I wonder if I will ever get over her. I almost laugh at how foolish I am. There is no getting over her. She's not Janice, or Kathy... she's Monica.  
  
"For the million hours that we were,  
Well I'll smile in remembering all then I'll turn and go.  
On a champagne high,  
Where will I be when I stop wondering why?"  
  
I polish off the last of my champagne and steal a final look at the bride. She stands between Phoebe and Rachel, smiling and basking in the happiness that she found for herself. The happiness that she wasn't dumb enough to run from. I stand and her eyes meet mine. Even from a distance, I can see the wariness and the slight sadness that still clouds them when we look at each other. There almost seems to be a question in them, a question that I can't quite decipher. I try to smile, but I am sure that the attempt was unsuccessful. She makes a move to walk toward me, but I shake my head slightly and she stops. I gaze at her for a moment and turn to leave. Best wishes for the future, Mon, I whisper.  
  
"On a champagne high,  
Toast to the future but that'd be a lie."  



End file.
